Fake Steve channels pure Jobs, calls out AT&T
It’s been said more than a few times that Dan Lyons in the guise of Fake Steve Jobs (FSJ) has lost his edge since he was outed in 2007. Any doubts about his fire will surely be put to rest by this fiery, spot on rant on Ma Bell’s attempts to put the blame for its poor network performance on the iPhone.
Here’s the caustic, abusive and foul-mouthed Fake Steve we’ve come to know and love in an excerpt from A not-so-brief chat with Randall Stephenson of AT&T, ranting about how Ma Bell’s inability to take responsibility for its own problems is symptomatic of America’s pre-occuption with making money rather than great products:
And, now here we are. Right here in your own backyard, an American company creates a brilliant phone, and that company hands it to you, and gives you an exclusive deal to carry it—and all you guys can do is complain about how much people want to use it. You, Randall Stephenson, and your lazy stupid company—you are the problem. You are what’s wrong with this country.
I stopped, then. There was nothing on the line. Silence. I said, Randall? He goes, Yeah, I’m here. I said, Does any of that make sense? He says, Yeah, but we’re still not going to do it. See, when you run the numbers what you find is that we’re actually better off running a shitty network than making the investment to build a good one. It’s just numbers, Steve. You can’t charge enough to get a return on the investment.
Now there was silence again. This time I was the one not talking. There was this weird lump in my throat, this tightness in my chest. I had this vision of the future—a ruined empire, run by number crunchers, squalid and stupid and puffed up with phony patriotism, settling for a long slow decline.
“Okay,” I said. “Nice talking to you.” Then I hung up.
See also:
— Claim that crappy iPhone service is Apple’s fault is bunkum (Ars)
— Report: AT&T network problems are iPhone’s fault? (Macworld)
— AT&T Takes the Blame, Even for the iPhone’s Faults (New York Times
Yes, that’s just the tail end of the Fake Steve’s rant—read the whole thing.
Irresponsible?
And, if you’re an iPhone owner, you absolutely have to do your part and join Operation Chokehold, Fake Steve’s plan to use a flash mob this Friday to overload AT&T’s network by using as much data as possible…
Join the revolt!
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